What Does Rock Smell Like?

My first three days as a Fundacion worker have passed, with nothing to write home about. Which is kind of weird, because Im technically writing home, about it, right now. I just have to get some things out of my head, for tomorrow.
Im really anxious. Im really scared, more. I dont know what to expect, going into the schools for the first time tomorrow. I sat today, ate dinner with Carlos, Eric, and Maria while we watched Mexico beat Brazil 2-0 in the Copa America. Its fantastic being here in, watching the games live, where it means so much. It was fantastic, us jabbing about soccer, Maria piping in with her comments that we need to calm down, like a mother to us all. Eric, Carlos and I laughed and chided eachother, talked about Peru, talked about Brazilian girls, and time just passed. We talked about the weekend, after a long three days of seminars, meetings, and getting all the knowledge I need to go in and understand what were doing in these schools, I need it. But I also needed these three days, to understand the kind of help the students need and the wall that Peru is facing. To understand how little I can do but how it is a step for so much to be done in teh future.
It is amazing to go to these lectures, read these materials, to have the resources to become aan expert, to study with these experts, on Peruvian education. It is so central to the plight of Peru as a nation, to overcome its circumstances and threive. Much can be said about the rest of the world, and the United States itself, but that is left for a dissertation in the future.
What was important then was the relaxing. Was the time, passing, with no wieght on its shoulders. Moving, floating, nothing more.
But when I left that world, returned to emails, calls with parents, thinkign about tomorrow, I got ancy, I got frustrated, I got worried. It was just a natural feeling of disequilibrium, because Im thinking of something that is tomorrow that will be so far outisde myself, and not really big, but a big step. But Im weighted down on the earth, but trivial matters, by trivial thoughts. I just want to go. I just want to enter the school and experience whatever is there. But Im sick and tired and exhausted and frustrated and pained and off on another planet and everythign right now. But I take a breathe....and I return. Sometimes you just have to believe, however that manifests. THat these things are happening to make you stronger, to make you ready for a task at hand. Not something world changing, but something small, that, done with great love, can spark a revolution in a heart, in a mind, in myself.
The smell of rock is buttsmoke.